I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Randomize
