You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize
