White coat. Heels.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Randomize
