Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
3pm strippers are depressing
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
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