Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
She's JV to your varsity
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
