Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Randomize
