I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
