yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
