Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
