found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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