the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
