i need an iv and a liver transplant
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
My day in three words: secret purse cake
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
