guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
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