Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
