i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
