can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
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