I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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