i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
