A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
