I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
