im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
