True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
