yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
