Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
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