I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
