I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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