Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
