Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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