i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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