so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
