I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Randomize
