4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I just threw up on my dentist
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
