She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
