so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Randomize
