Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
