I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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