booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
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