im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
