Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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