Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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