She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
