ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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