i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
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