somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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