i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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