I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
did i just pee glitter
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
