His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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