Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Randomize
