He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
