well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
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