3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
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