I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I just made out with a guy for $7.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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