I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
