And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Do you remember whose house we're in?
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
