I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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