I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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