u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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