thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Randomize
