You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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