Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
