How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
