Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
This beer is not sobering me up at all
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Randomize
