I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
pray to the hookup gods
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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