If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Randomize
