Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake đź‘Ś
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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