ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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