I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
