thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
