I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
