I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
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