i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize