Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
We talked him into tasing himself.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
