god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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