Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
