we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
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In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
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We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
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