Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
